Waiting
by Icicle Streams
Summary: Sequel/Companion piece to Promise. After the Pilgrimage, Rikku is finally free to find Gippal, her childhood love. But their journey has left her with scars she hasn't even realised, scars she doesn't know will heal, no matter how long she waits...


_**Gosh, it's been a while! Don't worry, I'm still alive, and I still do love writing. But things just get so busy, ya know? And I'm sorry for being such a massive poo, but I WILL finish Bevelled Edge. I've got the next two chapters written, I just need to do some finishing touches before the big finale!**_

_**Anyway, so this little number here. It's a sequel/companion piece to Promise (so if you haven't read that, I advise you do), inspired by the chatter of the lovely ladies at Quite the Couple who brought up the key point of, 'Well, they're engaged at the end of Promise, but that's a pretty different situation to what happens in the game, hey? How did that happen?'**_

_**So voila! Now, as with any piece of writing, this has drawn from some real emotions and experiences of the author. So if you feel like, hey, this ain't legit/this is farfetched, feel free to leave a review and allow me to explain. I dunno about you guys, but whenever I read a good piece of writing (yes, I'm assuming here that mine is ok at least... hahahaha!) I always like to see the thought process behind it. That's why I enjoy proofs in Maths, and dislike things too difficult to be explained why in Science at lower levels. But I digress... enjoy!**_

**_-Icicle Streams_**

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><p>She's still standing there. Still whistling. Still waiting. And Rikku's heart breaks once again.<p>

When they defeated Sin, she had thought that maybe, just maybe, Yuna could finally have that life she so wants and so deserves. And maybe, just maybe, she herself could have what she wants too.

She wants to go back to Besaid with her cousin for a bit... but Yuna says no. Gently, of course, subtly, awkwardly, softly. But she says no, nonetheless. Rikku sees the guilty look in her cousin's eyes and realises that it's because she reminds her of _him_, and all the times they had spent together.

So after Luca, she has nowhere to go. Home was destroyed; there is no home for _her_ anymore. But the desert is still where her heart lies, so that's where she goes. Across those sand dunes in the intense sunlight that casts your shadow long and dark, where the ground's hot beneath your feet and the sun's warm upon your face.

Her father doesn't understand why she's gone back to Bikanel and doesn't want to let her go. But she jumps off his airship when he's not looking, and when he finds out several hours later, he merely shrugs it off with a smile, muttering how like her mother she is. She can take care of herself, and he will always be a short call away if she needs him.

Her brother doesn't understand why either. She tells him that she has a promise to keep, tears sparkling in her eyes, so he simply pulls her into one of the few hugs they will ever share and promises not to tell their _vydran_ that she's gone.

She sits by the waterside, gently trailing her feet in the cool, clear water and tracing pretty patterns in its wind-rippled surface. She wonders how long she'll have to wait, but she decides she will keep waiting, no matter how long it takes. Rin had told her that he had seen him, and that he's still alive. He would never turn his back on her, never desert her... no, he's too loyal for that. So she knows he'll definitely come, and she's willing to wait.

But she doesn't account for the thinking she'll do. She thinks about that old guy and how she'll never be able to see him again, but it's ok, since he got his chance at life and did right by Tidus and Braska. And she thinks about him, wondering if she'll ever see him again, or if he's faded away forever. And then she thinks about Lulu and that look of pure joy she had when Yuna fell down at the end of the Final Battle, only to get up again, alive. And she thinks about that Al Bhed _hater_, Wakka... but that's mean. He's a nice guy, loyal and true, even if some of his ideas are just a bit old-fashioned. But there's hope; she can _definitely_ see potential for change in him. And then she thinks about Yuna, and all the pain she's suffered. It's so unfair, so cruel and unjust. This girl has given everything just so that Spira could be safe; she was willing to sacrifice her own life for them, and then she lost her love, her heart. Tears fill her own eyes when she remembers how tears filled hers. And then she thinks about her own love... how is it that _she_ can be so happy when her own cousin is suffering so? She shouldn't be allowed to be so happy... compared to all that her cousin has done and suffered, she is unworthy for happiness. There is none so deserving as Yuna... no, none! And yet... why..?

And then after what feels like forever, and it really is a long time, months and months, he arrives.

"Rikku... I didn't think you'd be here already," he says with a smile, before pulling her into a warm, tight hug. She feels strange, standing here by that Oasis where they stood about fifteen months ago. Only, it feels so much longer; she's not a child anymore, no longer innocent, no longer care free like she was back then.

"Where else would I be?" she replies, smiling in to his shoulder.

"_E muja oui_," he murmurs, and then tilts her face up to his own and kisses her, long and slow and tender.

She melts. She always does when he kisses her like that. She doesn't know if anything in Spira could compare to how wonderful his kisses are.

But then as they sit together in silence, hand in hand, feet dangling in the oasis, something holds her back and she can't help thinking of Yuna. Of how she's waiting.

Whistling...

Hurting...

Longing...

The _agony_...

...

"Gippal..."

"Yeah?"

"I... I love you," she says in a long and drawn voice, pausing before she says her next sentence.

"I know," he says in a soft, content voice, and she curses her own lack of emotional steadiness.

"But we can't get married."

He drops her hand, and stares at her with that intense emerald eye of his. Her heart sinks, and she begins to falter, but it, whatever it is, is still tugging at her, holding her back from leaping into his arms like she wants to.

"Not yet."

"Rikku... I... I don't understand."

"I can't be happy with you, knowing that Yuna is still suffering, still waiting. She's given so much, and it kills me, being able to enjoy your love while she is mourning the loss of her own... So we have to wait... at least for a little while..."

He nods slowly, but his gaze has dropped from her own eyes.

"I _do _love you though, Gippal," she says hurriedly, panicking. She tries to catch his eye, read his expression, but it's blank. He can't even look at her.

"I... I know," he repeats, but this time with much less conviction as he stands up, brushing sand from his clothes. "We'll wait until you feel ready."

She doesn't realise how long it will be until that day. Because Yuna still hurts inside, even though she smiles on the outside. But then, Yuna was always good at hiding the pain with a smile, so Rikku was accustomed to the facade and could always see the sorrow through the cracks in her smiling exterior. But then she also sees that though she's hurting, she doesn't mind seeing the love around her; in fact, it brings her joy, not regret.

But Rikku still feels guilt, guilt as dark and deep as the Farplane. Guilt for the love she has, when Yuna doesn't. Guilt for surviving when _he _didn't, for not being the one to make the ultimate sacrifice. Guilt for breaking her promise, and breaking his heart. It weighs down on her, along with doubt and some other horrors that weighs down on her heart, nearly breaking it with the strain.

She doesn't see him for the next few months. He stays in Bikanel for a bit, before going to Djose. She can't stand the tension between them, and she can't stand the rain.

So she runs.

She goes to the Calm Lands, and sees tourists from Bevelle coming to see the iconic rips in the earth. And then she becomes a permanent resident at the Macalania Travel Agency, just so that she won't have to face him or her father, hiding in the snow while watching the temple sink further into nothingness. At night she twists and turns in her sleep, and more often than not wakes with a scream in her throat. Because the memories are burnt deep inside her; the feeling of cold water in her lungs as she almost drowns in the Moonflow. The blood on her hands when she realises they've _murdered _a maester. The feeling of life being extinguished when she held Keyakku, dying in her arms. The fear that gripped her heart when pyreflies erupted from the maesters' bodies before she was thrown headfirst into the murky water. The dread of arriving at Zanarkand and sealing Yuna's fate forever. The sight of those bloody bodies, the red and blue fur staining the otherwise pure white snow...

And after a while, she begins to grasp the fact that Yuna isn't the only reason she's avoiding everyone. The Pilgrimage had a deeper effect on her than she previously realised and that she has scars that need to heal. But she doesn't know if they ever will. And she begins to long for what she once had and resents what she has loss and given away, what she let slip so _easily_ from her tired, tired fingers.

So she sits in her bed, staring out into the icy wasteland and growing thinner and frailer and more scared with each day. O'aka and Wantz try to cheer her up, try to make her eat more, but while she appreciates their efforts, it's wasted. She eats only what she needs to sustain herself, and gradually her appetite changes and all she needs is a bread roll and a glass of milk to fill her hunger before yet another sleepless night.

Buddy starts when he and Brother walk in and see her for the first time in so long. It was the smallest of jumps, but while in some ways she has deteriorated, her dexterity and keen observation are as sharp as ever, and his shock and horror are obvious to her. She's scared to look into the small porcelain mirror Brother gives her, but is pleasantly surprised. She's a little thinner, her hair is dull and tangled and her eyes have shadows beneath them, but otherwise, she's still Rikku. She isn't as awful as she imagined she'd be. But then Brother begins to cry, and tears that she thought had long dried out begin to flow in a free cascade of emotion. And as he holds her, she knows she has to let herself begin to heal.

She begins to remember what hunger is, and how to laugh again. She smiles too; most of the time she puts them on to stop the others worrying, just like the Pilgrimage, but before long, it's sometimes genuine joy is breaking onto her lips. The three of them travel around Spira, teaching people about machina, and she's thankful that her fingers never suffered in her time of self-doubt and pity. But when they go to Djose, where Gippal's apparently started some sort of engineering complex, she declines to visit. She's not ready to see him yet, and so Buddy and Brother take it in turns staying on the ship with her, leaving the other to speak with the engineers alone.

They learn about 'sphere hunting;' the discovery of spheres as a source of information about Spira's past. There are groups in Bevelle fighting over these valuables libraries of inspiration and politically _and _literally stabbing each other in the back for them. But Rikku just sees it as a big treasure hunt for pretty glass orbs, with the added bonus of discovering more and more about the world they live in. When she's fighting for her life or exploring a ruined tower, she loses herself in the moment and forgets about the nightmares. The relief is enormous for her, even if it's only temporary.

After a while though, Brother and Buddy get lazy, and Shinra's too young and inexperienced to accompany her, so she goes on missions alone. But after a few too many close shaves, they wisely decide that she needs backup. And near Guadosalam, they see a woman slashing her way through fiends with a huge silver blade. She's alone, and from the looks of it, she's doing it for the heck of it. So they ask her if she wants to join up, and with a slight curve of the lips, she nods.

And then Kimahri finds that sphere, and it looks like _him_. And Rikku's heart leaps. Maybe he's not gone! And maybe Yuna can finally be happy.

...maybe _she _can finally be happy...

So they all journey together, and Yuna wants to go _everywhere_.

Including Djose...

And Rikku grits her teeth and steps off that airship with her head held high. Because she can't avoid him forever. She doesn't _want_ to avoid him forever. But she's nervous. She hasn't seen him since that day in the desert. How do you bring up marriage with a man who proposed to you more than two years ago? So when they go to speak to him, she doesn't know what to do. Should she jump into his arms, and tell him she's ready? _Is _she ready?

So she's fretting and jittery, much to Paine's amusement, when they finally see him. And she wonders what he'll do when he sees her.

But she's not prepared for the disappointment when he just smiles at her, and spends the time interviewing Yuna, talking to _her_, teasing _her_, flirting _with her_. And when he just walks away without another word, she dies inside, and once she's in the sanctuary of the airship, she cries and cries and cries.

Because while Yuna and Paine are full of hope and searching and searching, she's already lost what they're looking for. And no matter how long she waits, she'll never get it back.

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><p><em><strong>Enjoy? What're your thoughts?<strong>_


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